Friday, February 6, 2015

The start of the journey //

These past few weeks have truly been a struggle. Lost is an understatement of how dark I have been and how darkened my heart must have been. Snapping at the littlest things just because they’re not going my way. Getting angry over not getting the goodness in return. Being disappointed in others because I couldn’t see their goodness. What happened to the person I worked so hard to build? Just a few bad incidents have made me fallen. The tests the Universe gave me, I have failed; I have failed in my path of being the person I see every time I close my eyes. These past weeks, every day, I have woken to negativity and ungratefulness. The person within me has became the person I would hate if I were to meet.
It feels awful, to be negative, discouraged and unmotivated all the time. Things have been so hard; but then I realized they have been hard because I’m not mentally prepared to be challenged. I didn’t realize how dark I have turned into; not wanting to spend time with loved ones, running away from problems, facing challenges with not an ounce of belief and faith. I have forgotten every thing I have learned. Being selfless means giving, giving all of you and not expecting any in return. Since when did I become so selfish and self indulged that I almost lost myself? The negative influences around me have made it extremely hard to see the bigger picture, but my prayers were heard. I’m still believed in and the Universe hasn’t given up on me. I was put here for a reason and I almost forgot what the reason was.
Writing has always been the route of peace for me; and when I stopped doing what I love, it took a huge toll on everything else. Writing has always reminded me of my purpose and motivation. The journey back to base, writing is an essential tool I need.
I’m extremely ashamed for the person I have been lately and the outlook I have been having on life, always wanting to give up before the rainbow got a chance to shine. I haven’t been embracing the rain and storm. I’m extremely grateful, even with all the challenges life has been throwing at me. I just need to return to base and remind myself who I am. Giving, giving, giving. Paying it forward. Sailing away from the safe harbor. Being courageous in all that I do. Love selflessly. Forgive eternally. Anger is truly the ugliest, right behind selflessness. Being angry because I’m not getting what I want, in the way that I want it. All of that needs to stop. 
Whatever it takes, the path is being redirected. 
"Even when people question your motive and misunderstand you for having a dark motive, be selfless anyways. Even when the world might forget your good deed the day after, do good anyways. Even when they did you wrong and don’t deserve it, forgive anyways. Even when you probably won’t get any good in return, give endlessly anyways."
"Darkness cannot drive out darkness, only light can do that. Hate cannot drive out hate, only love can do that." 
"If you spend all your time judging someone, where is the time to love them?"
"An eye for an eye, will make the whole world blind."

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