Looking back at it, I miss it, I truly really do miss it. I miss being able to come home to my room and smile about the fact that I was home. I miss the fact that I didn't have any deadweight stress on my shoulders. I miss the fact that I valued things that are, now, no longer seem to be important to me. I miss those importances. I miss the fact that I was still a strongly family oriented little princess. I miss the fact that education was the number one priority. I miss the fact that I knew exactly who I was and who I wanted to become.
Now, relationships aren't the same; every time I think of how my relationships were 7 months ago, I tear up and my heart, big time, aches quite a lot. The relationships that used to mean the world and a half to me, now, only means merely a half... I don't know when it happened, but I no longer care about the extras as much as I used to. I stopped paying attention to the little details. My drive faded and my fire kind of just... burnt itself off... I didn't quite notice, but I have burnt every bridge that was connecting me to a better self. Now I'm left with some old bricks and paper glue, having to try to build myself, my own bridge.
Stepping into that shower tonight made me realize the truth I've been trying to avoid all these months... I have changed. I have changed into someone I, myself 7 months ago, would have despited. I have changed into someone who has lost the North Star of hope and goals for the future. I have changed and God, I regret it every day, but man... I'm low-key, sort of grateful for this change because my eyes were opened to the issues I never saw before. I realized my place in people's lives and the impact my presence took and gave. From it, surprisingly, I got a good sight of my worth.
I just don't know how to work with bricks and glue...